07m52s — Authentic lentils from India! (Bringing the world’s problems to America.)

13m42s — The Puerto Rico non-Question. (America’s something-or-other.)

21m23s — Yearning for unity. (Pro sports reassure.)

29m39s — White America’s national pastime. (Making excuses for spoiled brats.)

34m03s — Decades of effort, billions of dollars. (Hypocrisy, futility, and patriotism.)

39m52s — Authenticity trumps Trump. (Roy Moore hasn’t evolved.)

45m52s — Commie nostalgia in the Times. (Awaiting the commemorative edition.)

54m17s — Apocalypse postponed. (But Lenin is still among us.)

55m32s — No new hat needed. (What MAGA should stand for.)

56m19s — What rhymes with “Revere”? (You’ll wish you hadn’t asked.)

57m16s — What was unter alles? (BVDs of the NSDAP.)

58m56s — Signoff. (Sing as we go.)