Late Night With Reconquista

Here's a select list of Late Night TV jokes, courtesy Newsmax.com.

Letterman

• It was a beautiful day here in New York. It was unbelievable. It was so great I pretended I was an immigrant and took the day off.

Leno

• Well, happy Cinco de Mayo everybody. This is a holiday celebrated by over 80 million Mexicans. And those are just the ones here in L.A.
• According to a new geographic literacy study 4 out of 10 American students couldn't find Iraq on a map. However 10 out of 10 Mexicans could find the U.S. without a map.
• Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. The day that Mexicans celebrate their second day off this week.
• As you know, Cinco de Mayo celebrates driving the French out of Mexico. So apparently Mexico has stricter immigration laws than we do.
• Today of course was the "Day Without Immigrants” as they called it. Or as the Native Americans call it "the good old days”.
• A day without immigrants. Did Schwarzenegger work today?
• Once again there was 100,000 people in the streets today. Not immigrants, but SUV owners walking to work.
• Some are calling Monday’s march a National Coming Out Day for Latinos. They’re equating being Latino to being gay. Hey, I think it’s a bit easier to tell your parents you’re Latino!
• Lots of businesses were closed, streets were closed – everything was closed but that big hole down on the border.
• There’s a lot of debate on what we call these people. Some say "illegals" is too harsh. Then there’s "undocumented worker." What is that? I left my wallet in Mexico?
• The demographics of Mexico are changing they say. For example in 1978 a typical Mexican mother had seven children. Now she has two children in Mexico and the other five are born in the United States.
• There’s been quite the outrage over the Spanish version of the "Star Spangled Banner” that was released. One good thing though is that now at all the Major League Baseball parks all the players can now understand the words.
• The heaviest man in the world lives in Mexico, he weighs over 1200 pounds! In fact he tried to cross the border once and was caught by officials in California, Arizona and New Mexico.

Letterman

• Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. Everyone is in the mood. Rush Limbaugh has tested positive for margaritas.
• It was a beautiful day here in New York City. It was so nice that all the immigrants took another day off.