.
[VDragnet.com
note: The story you are about to read is…sort of true.
But heavily fictionalized. And only "one man" has had
his name changed to protect the innocent.]
(I`ve been reading a bit too much
of
The Mogambo Guru archives on
321gold.com lately and offer this fictionalized
Richard Daughty-esque rant in homage.)
Behind the scenes at the VDARE.COM
virtual headquarters, I chain-smoke my way through the
afternoon watching
Humphrey Bogart end up murdered in a ditch by
Mexican banditos for the umpteenth time in a
Treasure of the Sierra Madre rerun on the
VDARE.COM employee lounge`s crappy black-and-white TV.
Wondering why he hasn`t seen or
heard from me in a week, the Capo di Tutti Capi
himself, Peter Brimelow, discovers me in my
sloth, and suggests a story idea. He tells me that
energetic VDARE.COM reader
Roger Chaillet—winner
of the hard-fought 2003 War Against Christmas
Competition – just sent him an e-mail about a British
pederast actually agreeing to be deported during the
course of removal proceedings in EOIR Immigration Court.
Figuring that none of the other
VDARE.COM staffers could care less about ever again
hearing anything about the Department of Justice`s
Executive Office for Immigration Review – the dreaded
EOIR – much less even bother reading my weekly
(ever-increasing in conspiratorial ferocity and outright
shrillness) rants on the subject . . . not to mention
reading and forwarding my
Absolutely Definitive Essay to all the charlatans,
crooks and phonies serving in lieu of their elected
representatives (unless they happen to live in the sixth
Congressional district of Colorado, of course)…Brimelow
passed the EOIR-related e-mail along to me.
But this is not about how Congress
just keeps going on with the same old ridiculous
psychotic bloated-government formal hearing procedure to
deport every single illegal alien and criminal alien
resident in the United States with their own private
hearing in front of a Department of Justice
lawyer in a robe. . . expecting that illegal
immigration and the massive foreign crime wave on our
shores will be "solved" by sending every single
removal order generated by this worthless system to an
automatic appeal before another set of bureaucrats at
the EOIR`s Board of Immigration Appeals (BIA) in Falls
Church, Virginia, and then on to yet another automatic
appellate review before the Circuit Courts of Appeal all
over the country, and then back and forth among the
tree-sloth-infested
Byzantine taxpayer-money-squandering courts over and
over again until the alien finally somehow adjusts
status in the United States and winds up with a
"green card" anyhow.
No, it`s certainly not!
Chaillet forwarded this story with
a typically acerbic comment about immigrants "doing
the jobs that Americans won`t do":
"A
Richardson [Texas] resident who has been highly
regarded for decades as a pioneer in North Texas youth
soccer dropped his efforts to fight deportation
Wednesday and agreed to return to his native England.
"U.S.
immigration officials sought the deportation of Ron
Griffith because of a 1981 conviction for fondling a
14-year-old boy he met through the sport. Mr. Griffith,
64, had no record of any other crimes, but officials for
the Immigration and Customs Enforcement office in Dallas
stressed that removing convicted sex offenders from the
country is one of their top priorities." ["North
Texas soccer pioneer ends deportation fight," By
Frank Trejo, The Dallas Morning News, January 11,
2006.]
As the screen flickered with the
closing credits to
Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Brimelow pokes me
with his walking staff and mumbles something in an
incomprehensible British accent. [Vdare.com:
Incomprehensible, yes,
but Linda Chavez said it was
"charming."]
I manage to comprehend that Brimelow said
something to me to the effect, "doesn`t this strike
you as an odd case – lot of energy expended on someone
who doesn`t appear to have committed any recent crime?"
I rise to my feet, finally
unsticking myself from the beer and
cigarette-stained faux-leather couch in the employee
lounge for the first time in several hours, exclaiming,
"Odd, you say? . . . Definitely not! There`s nothing
odd here!"
I begin my Immigration
Act-sprinkled diatribe in reply:
"This pederast committed an
aggravated felony and is
S.O.L. under immigration law. As a sex criminal,
he`s really been deportable since the 1996 Immigration
Act changes were made, so he`s had ten years of free
stay in the United States due to the INS/DHS/ICE
incompetence by not getting rid of him earlier. So
enough is enough. Good riddance to bad rubbish! Hurrah
for our side!!"
Seeing my thinly-veiled outrage and
noticing that I did not bother to make a proper
reference to Immigration Act Section 101(a)(43)(A) or
explain the aggravated felony
sexual abuse of a minor provisions, a well-dressed
man from Texas appears out of nowhere in the haze of the
smoke-filled employee lounge and immediately sets me
straight.
The Dallas News explained
the impromptu gathering:
"Paul
Hunker, chief counsel for Immigration and Customs
Enforcement in Dallas, has noted that prior to 1996
non-citizens who committed certain crimes five years
after obtaining their permanent resident status were not
deportable. However, the law changed in 1996 and the
government increased efforts to find and deport
immigrants who have criminal records, especially those
involving sex crimes.
"`Sexual crimes are particularly heinous crimes, and ICE
zealously seeks the removal of persons convicted of such
crimes,`" Mr. Hunker said. ["Soccer
pioneer can`t shake past," by Gosia Wozniacka and
Frank Trejo, The Dallas Morning News, December
12, 2005]
But Brimelow isn`t buying it. And
though Hunker is too nice of a guy to complain about the
rough treatment by filing a report with DHS Secretary
Michael Chertoff, Brimelow immediately has the
government interloper summarily escorted from VDARE.COM
virtual headquarters by a burly rent-a-cop.
As Hunker was trying to explain,
Brimelow`s criminal former countryman was not
technically convicted of a
"crime involving moral turpitude" within five
years of entry at the time of the crime. So the guy
wasn`t removable until the 1996 Immigration Act
amendments came along to create a new ground of sexual
abuse deportability.
Nevertheless, Brimelow could care
less about pussyfooting around with the Immigration Act.
He lets me know about it in no uncertain terms
straightaway.
In measured tones of technically
perfect but (this time) mildly comprehensible Queen`s
English, Brimelow retorts about Griffith:
"Yeah,
but why him? Is he the most serious threat around?
Aren`t they always whining about insufficient
resources?"
"Plus,
what happens if he just goes AWOL now? Moves to another
city? How long would it take them to find him?"
Desperately trying to maintain
decorum, while realizing that Brimelow could have me
bounced out of here in the blink of an eye to land on
the very same debris-littered sidewalk next to
Hunker—who has now had time to think about today`s
events further and decides that he`s going to call the
"Intelligence Report" gang at the SPLC about
this one and process the proper forms to have VDARE.COM
placed on Secretary Chertoff`s permanent short list of
eavesdropping targets after all—I muster up as many
brain cells as I can find after hours of nursing
Coronas in front of the tube, and give my
foreign-born boss a good dose of native-born American
reality.
"Why
him?" I shriek. "Because he molested a boy and
went to prison for 5 years, that`s why! What more of a
threat can there be?"
"And
yes, as long as Griffith remains out on an immigration
bond during the never-ending EOIR hearing process, no
matter what he says in court, this sex pervert can still
disappear into the United States, move to another city,
and get lost in the system like thousands of
immigration fugitives before him.
"But if
he complies with the order of removal, so be it. We
already know that the DHS/ICE can only deport certain
illegal aliens and criminal aliens, but unfortunately
not all of them. It`s a little bit far fetched to shed
tears for this guy."
Sensing I`ve been too hard on the
good-natured Brimelow, I end my soliloquy with this
magnanimous offer: "Maybe we can trade this Griffith guy
for
Sir Mark Thatcher?"
Wondering why he hasn`t revoked my
VDARE.COM card key to the virtual headquarters long ago,
and coming to the realization that I`ve had a bit too
many Coronas for my own good this afternoon, Brimelow
replies, ignoring my olive branch of an offer
completely:
"He
didn`t go to prison. He was just given probation for
five years. Plus no further offenses. Isn`t that a
difference? And this looks like
ex post facto law.
He
probably had no idea the law had been changed so long
after his original offense. He was picked up quite
openly passing through an airport security check.
"Of
course, from a traditional point of view, any sexual
deviancy is heinous. But that`s not how
the law or public policy currently treats it
in other areas.
"What
interests me is DHS`s priorities. I wonder if: (1) they
enforce the law where it`s easy to enforce – this fellow
showed up for his hearing – how many
Mexicans would?; (2) they go for cases that get
publicity, like deporting Ernst Zundel and
Germar Rudolf; (3) if they aren`t deliberately
sabotaging the deportation process by creating sob
stories.
"In
contrast, deporting dangerous criminals is difficult,
unglamorous and, well, dangerous.
"For
that matter, what happened to that illegal alien family
with the student kid that
Tancredo raised a ruckus about a couple of years
ago? Was ANY effort made to deport them?"
As I pick up my jaw off of the
floor in shock, I actively suppress my brain from
telling my mouth to scream: "GIVE IT A REST, PETER! .
. . DEPORTING BRITISH PEDERAST PERVERTS IS A GOOD
THING!"
Instead I calmly focus all of my
legal eagle skills and explain the legal situation here
one more time.
"My
dear Mr. Brimelow, the Treason Lobby`s minions in the
media fall all over themselves to crank-out stories
saying `Isn`t it terrible that this poor alien is
being deported,` and the new flavor recently: "Isn`t
it terrible that the EOIR Immigration Judge said mean
and nasty things and [shockingly] did NOT grant
asylum to this particular alien!`"
"So by
devoting your interest and your formidable brain-power
to this story [note how I weave in compliments for the
boss there] it seems that you are falling into the trap
of creating a new politically incorrect (right-wing?)
variation on the "sob story" theme, namely, `Gee,
isn`t it a shame that Zundel, Rudolf, and the U.K.
fondler got deported.`"
"Frankly, things are so ridiculous with immigration law
enforcement in 2006 America, that I ABSOLUTELY CHEER
when ANYONE actually gets deported.
"Yes,
anyone! Us VDARE.COM folks should be cheering too! I
know Joe `Joaquin` Guzzardi would be cheering for sure.
Personally, I have no tears for foreign cheaters, liars
and criminals complaining that they are getting kicked
out of the U.S.
"Although Zundel`s botched adjustment of status is a
curious scenario – probably only because no one will
give a straight answer on whether his attorney messed up
in not filing some Circuit Court appeal, or some other
inconvenient detail that would change the entire
situation from sympathy to bungling.
"But
the fact that the DHS/ICE finally caught up to a
convicted sex offender is nothing out of the ordinary.
Hopefully they will start deporting more aliens soon,
maybe? So resisting the temptation to be shocked when
they actually manage to get rid of someone – anyone! –
will be crucial for our side. Deportation SHOULD be the
rule here, not the exception!
"Yes,
DHS/ICE is most certainly targeting these aliens with
their already limited investigative resources because it
definitely means more bang for their buck with the
press. But under the
Juan Plan, abolishing the ponderous EOIR and federal
court litigation approach to deportation, tax dollars
would go further toward actually getting rid of
criminals in a timely manner, rather than 20 years after
the fact . . . if at all.
"DHS/ICE has told the world that they are bearing down
and going after previously convicted sex perpetrators on
the street, locking them up, and putting them through
the EOIR system, such as it is.
"Sometimes it doesn`t always work out the first time, as
we`ve seen from the
Barrios-Castilla saga. But that`s what
newly-crowned Assistant Secretary Julie Myers and her
minions at ICE are doing anyway. They`ve made it clear
by sending out as many press releases on Operation
Predator whenever they get the chance.
"But
because of our government`s general non-enforcement
attitude though, immigration anarchy and generalized
scofflaw chaos prevails.
"And
you`re absolutely right, Mr. Brimelow, nothing ever
happened to
Jesus Apodaca, the famous young Mexican illegal
alien `student` in Colorado."
Realizing that it was a mistake to
have woken me up from my afternoon pre-siesta stupor in
the first place, while also coming to the conclusion
that he`s probably not going to get any work out of me
today anyway, Brimelow harrumphs and leaves the employee
lounge.
[Peter
Brimelow comments:
Actually, I was satisfied. As I suspected, this is a
case of the immigration bureaucracy looking for what Tom
Wolfe called
"The Great White Defendant,"
trying to deport someone
other than a
minority. The Griffith deportation means nothing good
about U.S. immigration law enforcement – except maybe
that the bureaucracy is scared.]
Juan Mann [email
him] is
an attorney and the proprietor of
DeportAliens.com.
He writes a weekly column for
VDARE.com and
contributes to Michelle Malkin`s
Immigration BLOG.
